2015 is upon us. While I'll try to keep this post from getting too sentimental, I feel that a little looking back and reflecting is in order. So much has happened in 2014. I can't get over how much has changed in my life since January 2014 and sometimes I'm a little amazed that I even made it to this point ;) I look forward to maybe getting a little bit more continuity but I mean, life would be boring if everything always stayed the same right?
Some of you might have already caught on the fact that I want to make some changes to this blog. I've realized, that it's not possible for me to provide quality content every single day. I draw a lot and most of the stuff I draw I'm not satisfied with. Once in a while it happens that I produce something, I like, that I'm proud of. Only then it I think it is worth sharing with other people and only then I'm comfortable doing so. I believe this lies in the nature of creative work.
Originally, this wasn't a problem. The reason I started the blog wasn't because I wanted to publish my work and promote myself in that way. It might seem weird that I used this very public medium to do so and looking back I find it increasingly weird myself but you have to understand that the social pressure of an audience is quite powerful. I tried to find a way to motivate myself to draw every day and knowing that basically anyone out there can check whether I did so is surprisingly motivating.
What has been happening during the last few months is that I increasingly realized that people I know, people I respect and people whose opinion I value actually read this thing. When you sit in your own little room, drawing weird things and then putting them up on the blog you don't think about the people who look at it. When I scrolled through here a few weeks ago I tried to look at the page through the eyes of a stranger and what honestly has always dawned upon me, now became very apparent-most of the stuff on here is really bad. As I explained earlier this not some kind of weird creative block I'm having right now which makes me hate all my work, it is just that the ratio of work I'm satisfied and would like to share vs the work that I would rather not doesn't add up with daily posts. I'm becoming more self concious about what I publish as my awarness for my audience increases.
I see no other way of resolving this difficult situation than to give up daily posts. Yes I am scared that without them I won't be able to motivate myself to draw every day and if that happens I'll hate myself for it, but always drawing under pressure because you have to produce something for the blog really isn't healthy either.
So anyway, here's to improving this blog :)
Lots of love and thank you for all your support,
xoxo Alex
